Life Lessons

Change is certainly in the air. The autumn chill signals the start of the fall and all the things I love about being in New York City. As I pack up my Hamptons house (which contains enough clothes, food and supplies to last anyone else a year out here), I reflect on the summer with fondness and lessons learned.

Lesson #1: Leave your ego at the door. Let it go and don't say anything to anyone that doesn't serve you in the moment. Never assume people won't repeat what they hear. Let go of all anger; it takes up too much valuable space.

Lesson #2: Don't react. Take time to think in the moment and remember that every action has an equal and opposite reaction; not always the reaction you want.

Lesson #3: Keep your friends close. Embrace only those who have your best interests at heart. Let go of baggage and people that hold you back and keep you from your dreams.

Lesson #4: Bigger is better! Live big, dream big and go big or go home....if you build it, they will come.

Lesson #5: Follow you heart but be mindful of your gut. Listen to your dreams, interpret them in only the way YOU can. Heed advice from loved ones when you need to, but ultimately be your own therapist.

Lesson #6: Exude only positive energy. Remember Bikram says, "negative energy is 1000 times more potent and powerful than positive energy." Fear is only in your head if you allow it to be.

Lesson #7: Apologize when you're wrong. There's nothing more humbling than knowing when you're wrong, so say your sorry and move on. The universe will reward you for acknowledging your flaws.

On the eve of my 35th birthday, I would like to pay respects to those who have shaped my summer and my life. To my mother, Elizabeth, who turned our summer house into a "home" on every level. She slaved to make us comfortable and was the most gracious house guest I ever encountered. Mom, thank you for your patience, love and plants.

To Lienette, my first yoga mentor and friend, who took me in this summer as a new teacher and gave me guidance and a lot of life lessons that I will always be grateful for.  Lienette, I owe you an apology and I hope you can find your way to forgiveness. If not, I will understand and always be thankful for what you shared with me. I will never forget my 8 limbs!!

To David, my brother (not by blood, but by friendship), who is one of the most generous people I know. Thank you for putting up with my neuroses and for joining me on this summer adventure. I will never forget our boat days and our unbreakable bond. 

To Ronni, my housemate and friend; you give the word "classy" a new meaning. She is one of the most gracious women I know who does it all and has it all. Ronni, I admire your strength, beauty and endurance - you are a force sister!

To Rasa, my fellow yoga teacher and friend, who always encouraged me to do the right thing and lifted my spirits when I was down. Rasa, I owe you a few "paint the town red" nights in the city...

To Risa, my big sister (by loyalty), I look up to you in every way imaginable. My wish for you is to take your own advice and let go of anyone and anything that doesn't serve beautiful you. Your candor and friendship has allowed me to sleep better at night. Because of you, I have a "Plan B."

The crickets are out, the sun is setting, the party lights by the pool have officially come down and we're on our way to the "last supper." Let the fall begin in all it's glory. Welcome the change that you fear. Reflect on what you learned, who you are and who you want to be. Make your dreams a reality. Sometimes, all you need to do is let go to move forward.

The New Regime - Class 20

I have jumped ship, but have yet to set sail.......yesterday marked a new beginning for me. I taught my first yoga class at Bikram Yoga Union Square. It was a fascinating, painful, productive and ego-removing 105 minute class. Why the extra time for someone who's always on point with her timing?

Otto stopped me no less than 15 times over the course of my class to make corrections to my dialogue in front of the students. I enjoyed his candor and took pride in his feedback. While most people would feel intimidated in a situation so intense, I just went with it and embraced a new studio owner that was actually interested in seeing me blossom and become a better teacher. A studio owner who likes me for my "star-power." Yes, he used the phrase, and I'll take it!!

Otto is a business man, plain and simple, with an affinity for Bikram. God bless him! He calls it like he see's it and you always know where you stand with him. Unfortunately he requires more time than I have to give right now as I embrace my new job and career beginning September 4th.

It's definitely not the end of my time at Bikram Yoga Union Square. I will work with Otto in any capacity he will accept me, even if just a practitioner.

I would personally like to thank Idan for making it this particular class and sticking it out with me. Your support and undying love for what I do makes everything lighter and brighter.

The Way You Do Anything Determines How You Do Everything - Class 19

This afternoon's class marked the end of my teaching at Hamptons Hot Yoga. I write this blog with heavy fingers and an even heavier heart. I will miss my students there very much but will still see them as a practitioner. Today's stormy weather matched perfectly with the mood tonight in class. It was by far one of my weakest classes, personally. My nerves and emotions got the better of me, my peace was stolen and still the rain continues to fall outside the house and inside of me.

Driving home, I realized I would no longer have to take the back roads at warp speed to arrive to teach on time. I will miss the sunrise/sunset hours, gazing at the farms and endless sunflower patches. In these last weeks of summer, I can go slowly, slowly. I can look around and smell the wild flowers a bit more than I have been. I'm looking for the lesson in all of this and hope the universe will show up on my doorstep to teach me, sooner rather than later.

I anxiously await an audition for my NYC teaching job. Until then, it's cocktails and dreams all around. More time for the beach and entertaining. More time for me.

PS - I am still proud of the confidence I exuded in tonight's class, despite my perfectionist ego. My head was held high from start to finish; the same way I carry myself through life.
Namaste

Giving Back - Class 18

There is a Fall 2012 Teacher Trainee in my midst. She is a strong student, with beautiful energy. I met her for a snack right before I taught my 18th class. I won't give names here to protect privacy, but she has all the same nervous energy that I did. Even though we are the exact same age, I felt at least 10 years older in my mind, as I was giving her the low down. She's going for it and a part of me is so jealous, but the other part of me would never go back. I think what I feel is an envy and longing for the simpler, longer, more structured days of training. They were drama-free days, spent with good friends without egos. How can I recreate this stillness, this paradise in my own mind? I hope to find this answer in the last days of summer and through more teaching. 

In the mean time, I dedicate this post to the Fall 2012 Trainees and everyone who will follow them. Here is the Mother List....

What to Bring:

- Your car (if it's an option); car = freedom in training and in LA. You will have time to use it, especially on weekends.

- Extra shower rod for the bathroom; ideal for hanging your mat on to dry after class. The alternative is hanging mats to dry by the pool.

- 64oz Hydroflask. Bigger is better, just trust me on this one. At the very least, the 42oz. You can order them on hydroflask.com

- All yoga clothes and "teaching" clothes you have. Don't invest in a lot of new gear before you get there, as you'll have access to a lot of new yoga labels and Lululemon is close to the hotel.

- As far as regular clothing, bring your staples; the stuff you live in day in, day out. I call these items, "my uniform" (i.e. if you were stranded on a dessert island and could only bring a few comfy tops and bottoms, what would they be?). Don't forget a few nice, "going out" pieces because you will want to and there are events other than graduation that you will want to look nice for.

- Bring running shoes and even hiking shoes, if you want to explore the gorgeous trails outside of LA.

- You can't bring enough flip flops but you can bring too many regular shoes. Less is more with shoes.

- Swimsuits and cover-ups for the beach and pool. I was at the pool for at least an hour a day on my break between class and lecture.

- If you like protein shakes, like I do, invest in the Magic Bullet. It was not a problem to use it my room and it comes with some insulted cups for other beverages.

- As for other beverages, a coffee maker will make you the Mayor of your hallway and a lot of new friends, and/or a hot water heater for tea.

- Wait and buy your yoga mats onsite at the water station. You will end up needing two during training.

- Buy a mini-laminated dialogue at training, but you can make one at Kinkos before you go as well. This will motivate you to take it with you everywhere. The pocket size one I made wasn't laminated and was great for taking notes on for that reason.

- Bring your iPhones (or another comparable smart phone that allows you to take voice notes). Listening to yourself saying the dialogue is the best way to learn it. I still play it in my car all the time. Bikram's dialogue is also available on iTunes.

- You will need a seat cushion or neck pillow to sit on during posture clinics. The floor is hard on your tush for three hour windows. Something that works as dual support is ideal. Those stadium seat cushions work well also. You can buy this at Bed, Bath & Beyond when you arrive.

Last but not least, LEARN AS MUCH DIALOGUE AS YOU CAN BEFORE YOU LEAVE! This will save you a lot of stress in weeks 3-6, when you have round the clock posture clinics and need to learn a new pose almost every day if you haven't already. Knowing the dialogue before training will enable you to teach sooner when you return to your home studios. Just trust me on this one. Having said that, I only knew the warm-up (through Eagle) prior to arriving, and my life turned out ok. However, I needed a solid two weeks upon returning to master and recall everything.

We are all Teacher Trainees in Life, learning our own paths, how to swim in our own ponds and oceans. Peel back all those unnecessary layers and open your chakras. Go in peace on your journeys. Life as you know it will never be the same.

Waiting to Exhale - Classes 16 & 17

Sometimes a Guru can come in other forms than a Yogi. For me, I have Emmy Cleaves & Veronica Timiras. "V," as I like to call Veronica, has been able to look inside my soul with a magnifying lens. She has safely gone where no other therapist, life coach, healer, clairvoyant, acupuncturist, etc. has gone inside my body. She has healed me on many levels, from the inside out, bones to the skin, coccyx to the forehead, coccyx to the toes! I have not seen her in many months; it felt like an eternity, until today. 

I confess that I am not in the best of spirits this week. Even with all my recent successes and accomplishments and the luxury of not having a full time job for the summer, there are times I feel empty and lonely. I have holes in my heart that used to be filled with people who are no longer around. People who have moved on and people I have moved on from. I miss them all dearly, but I know that something bigger and better is coming to fill their places...lately, that's the only thought that gets me through the day.

That, and a much needed glass of wine at Wolford Estates out East. I took my mother on her first ever wine tasting adventure this week. She loved it and we invested in some wonderful bottles. Speaking of drinking, I am officially off the bottle after a bender this week. When I stopped to think about it today, I had alcohol every day since Saturday and it's ummmm Thursday? Not ok. Veronica tapped into my Liver today during our acupuncture session and it was ridiculously painful. I cried, my digestive system screamed and even my sweet tooth gland was throbbing. NO MORE BOOZE for a bit. I will survive. I always do.

Some positive news, my teaching is on the upswing; always a work in progress and constant improvement. I started cracking my journal from training and re-reading old posts from this blog for some new inspiration. It helps. It matters. What I learned can easily be forgotten if not studied and maintained. Maintenance, Emmy says, is the hardest thing to keep up with after training, so why stop? Especially when you have the pleasure of practicing next to Billy Baldwin, mat next to mat. He's definitely a fighter on the mat and has a lot of room to grow in his flexibility, which is always inspiring to see as a teacher. If everyone walked into the room already flexible like a Gumby, I would be out of a job! 

Baldwin came back to take my class Wednesday evening with a first-timer friend of his. Both of them were lovely and humble in their practices. I definitely didn't pay him any special attention as his teacher. You can't play favorites in Bikram because the ones you neglect somehow end up being the ones who need you and you need the most. I'm not messing with those odds ever.

At The Carwash, Yeah! - Class 12

As you may or may not remember from my April post, I am a serious car person. I love driving, maintaining and just being in nice cars in general. With this infatuation comes an addiction to detailing my BMW on a weekly basis. I'm sorry LA, but the Hamptons might just have you beat in terms of the level of care taken for all the exotic cars roaming the streets out East. 

When I arrived in Southampton a month ago, I went straight to Southampton Car Wash. It was nice and loose, comfortable, easy, flexible. My car had taken a beating, after being on a truck to and from California. It had been vandalized before I left LA, and I'm sure a million other things I don't even know about. What the owner of Southampton Car Wash pointed out to me, as the car was pulling out of blow dry heaven, was that my front hood had shallow scratches, a little acid damage from the garage in the City and a slew of other details that they could easily correct with a more intensive service. He showed me what a little wax could do for maintaining the exterior cleanliness and I was hooked! It was like crack.

Please note, I have yet to make a single analogy about cars, fuel or gas stations in any of my yoga classes. Bikram would be so disappointed...

Flash forward, I have the uber-expensive detailing job, and let's just say it was worth it for so many reasons. The most important being the relationship I formed with the owner and his son this week. I have to say, the Southampton Car Wash team is the friendliest, nicest group of people. It's a family run business and the cars are taken care of with love. Since I'm there almost once a week, it's impossible not to get to know everyone. When the boys found out that I'm a yoga teacher, all ears went up and tails were wagging.

The three most consistent comments I get from men who have never done Yoga is: 

1) "I'm so inflexible"

2) "I can't even touch my toes"

3) "I need to stretch more"

All I can say is this, with so much stiffness and inflexibility comes a lot of room to improve; a lot of growth potential. This is how I explained it to Jacob tonight in class. He is the son of the car wash owner and a football player. At age 18, he has suffers from Type 1 Diabetes and has already had a concussion and a bunch of muscle issues that usually plague those in their late 20's / early 30's. I was amazed by his will to succeed in tonight's class. With sugar and insulin injections by his side, Jacob gave it all he had. He did every single pose and listened to direction, which is usually the hardest thing to do in class. The beautiful thing about him attending tonight, aside from his company as I closed up the studio, is that his father really pushed him to do it. His dad asked me a million and one questions before letting Jacob come to the studio. The love this father has for his son is so transparent and pure. It made me miss my dad and a relationship that I would never get to have with him.

Jacob is one of five siblings. I can't imagine spreading my love amongst five children, but tonight's class showed me that it is quite possible. I hope to see the rest of the family back in class with Jacob soon. Oh and apparently the next car wash is on them - yay!

The Training Wheels Come off Before Class 11

I have a confession to make. Both of the yoga mats I used in training (fondly known as "chocolate brown & "pink princess") have been lost. One was left by accident on Third Avenue in the City during the heat wave, and it was just too damn hot to walk back for it. The other was left to dry on my fire escape and it blew away. That's right, it must have fallen five stories down and hopefully did not hit anyone on the way. I began thinking about those mats and all the emotions they shared with me. The good times and the bad, the laughs and the tears. I said to Ish the other day, "if this mat could talk, what a story it would tell." That was about 10 minutes before I lost it.

In a lot of ways, those two mats represent the training wheels of my journey into teaching. Now that they're off, I must be stable on 2 wheels; 2 arms & 2 legs in one base. I have a new found confidence in my teaching that only comes with time and practice. I'm discovering a different sense of inner peace in my delivery. I am no longer scared of making a mistake. I can actually feel the yoga as I practice, as opposed to just listening to the words and reacting.

As Lorenza said in her class yesterday, the student has come full circle and become the teacher. The yoga community is a beautiful thing in that respect. We all learn from each other, by sharing with each other. I was able to give back yesterday to my own NYC yoga community by volunteering to assist at Free Yoga in Bryant Park, sponsored by Bikram Yoga NYC and LuLuLemon. It was a wonderful morning with all walks of life taking part. 250 people in total.

Sometimes your wheels come off before you're ready and you have to deal. In my case my mats had to disappear for me to realize what I have and what I've gained.

A Reflection Before Class 10 for Group 11

My beloved Group 11...have you had that moment in class yet when you look at yourself in the mirror and say, "holy shit, I am a yoga teacher now?" There's so much relief in saying it, feeling it, especially after what we just accomplished. On the flip side, there is an added pressure, an unspoken responsibility that we now have to ourselves and others. How we are perceived and how we choose to perceive others are now one and the same, no higher, no lower.

It's hard work to gain the perception you want; we idealize ourselves to already be great at this, but we have only just begun.

If you're not working hard now in your practice, you are not trusting the process. They were right all along in posture clinic; the practice of teaching is so much more than dialogue.

With Love & Gratitude,
the Other Melissa 

Loss & Teaching - Class 8

Yesterday was the most picture perfect day of the summer thus far. Blue skies + magnificent breeze + no humidity = ideal Hamptons climate. For reasons I can't share publicly, there was an utter contrast in my heart yesterday. I found out on Tuesday that Sari Weinstein, mother of my most special and long-time friend Suzanne, had passed early Sunday morning. She battled Cancer with the strength of an army. She was a very special mother, wife, grandmother, teacher and leader within her community. Her loss will be felt for years to come and her footprint on this Earth will never be completely filled. I haven't seen Sari in years, but who could forget her contagious smile and gorgeous red hair? She loved long days at the beach with her family and was a friend to anyone who crossed her path. Her remarkable legacy was marked by the boatloads of people who have been hovering over 24 Alma Lane since her funeral. When I pulled up my car last night, not a single spot remained on her street to park. Children flooded the streets, immune to the sadness of great loss. I found myself jealous of their innocence and began to reflect on the class I had just taught 2 hours prior to arriving at the Weinstein's.

Bikram students, new or seasoned, are a lot like children. They are innocent and naive in their practices. They don't have the ability to turn off their minds yet; they are active and can surprise you at every turn. Last night, a student said to me after class, "I wanted to kill the person next to me because she was jumping ahead and not moving with the class from pose to pose." This is the greatest challenge for most yogi's, just to listen, just to be and not let others steal your peace.

So I took this lesson to heart while paying my respects last night and just listened to what anyone connected to Sari had to say about her. I teared up on several occasions. How could you not? Fred Weinstein was retelling beautiful stories of the trips he took with his wife. They loved to travel; anywhere and everywhere by the beach. They liked what they liked and no one could ever steal their peace and love for one another. I find this kind of connection very rare today, so when I see it, I am utterly fascinated.

The beautiful thing about teaching yesterday, as always, was that for 90 minutes, I put my heartache out of my mind and body and put all my focus and energy into my students. If they listened to me for even a fraction of the time I spent listening to Suzanne, Lori and Russel last night, then I know I did my job.

RIP Sari. We will all save a spot for you at the beach and Sue will be sure to leave your top down!    

My Life, My Day & Class #7

Another peaceful Monday morning in Southampton. My typical day out here begins at around 7am, just like in Teacher Training. I'm not quite sure what Bikram did to me out in LA, but for some reason, no matter when I got to bed, under most conditions, my body's natural alarm clock goes off at 7. At first, I was really bothered by the fact that I exist just fine on only 4 hours of sleep, but now I've come to embrace the productivity those extra hours in the morning afford me. Just call me Napoleon!! I'm getting it all done and have time to hang and relax with family and friends, which feels so much more rewarding than it used to.

Job number 1: Hydrate.

Job number 2: Make sure to eat at least an hour before teaching or taking class.

Job number 3: Take care of mom's plants before leaving the house. While at first I was kind of bothered by this extra task she put upon me, I have grown to love the Geraniums, the Purple Fountain Grass, the fresh basil and mint. I've come to rely so heavily on fresh mint in my yoga water bottles. It's so refreshing with a little lemon and ice....ahhh!

Job number 4: Work on all domestic maintenance. This is one thing I don't need or have to do in the city because my living space is so much smaller. We don't have real kitchens to cook in or our own laundry machines to do countless loads of wash in. No one actually takes out their own trash (the porters in our high rises do this) and we wash our dishes by hand since dishwashers are another commodity not always found in NYC apartments.

Job number 5: Drive. I'm a car person. Always have been, always will be. It gives me so much pleasure to have actively used my car daily for the past four months. That's unheard of as a New Yorker, and while I like walking from place to place very much back home in the city, there's nothing like driving past a priceless sunset or a sunflower field on the way to or from work. My commute is 10-15 minutes by car give or take the traffic (on the back roads of course). I love it and will miss it terribly come the fall. Driving also gives me the chance to listen to the Bikram dialogue, which I recorded on my iPhone and can play through the car's audio system via blue tooth. I can effectively rehearse 2-3 postures + Pranayama Breathing before I reach the studio. This exercise gives me the confidence I need to start my classes with enthusiasm and accuracy.

Job number 6: Teach! Today I taught my seventh Yoga class with ease. My mentor, Lienette, did not practice with me today, so I relied on the candid feedback from my loyal students, which I'm happy to report was super positive. When I leave the studio, I always feel this tremendous sense of accomplishment and relief. My day officially begins when my class ends and depending on what time of day I teach. That beginning can sometimes be as late as 8 or 9pm and it's worth it!

The people who pass by the yoga studio, to practice or to ask where the best place in town for a wax is, never cease to amaze me. Just two minutes before class started, a long lost friend from U of M walks into the studio to ask about waxing in town and we embraced and screamed when we saw each other. She will be taking my next class on Wednesday. I love this connection that yoga brings to my world. Not just with my own body and mind, but with the bodies, minds and souls of others. You give back and then the Yoga gives back tenfold. Amen!

Pause. Reboot. Teach - Class 6

It's been eleven days since I taught my last class....the longest week and a half of my life. I missed teaching so badly and didn't realize it until today. Before I give you the skinny on tonight's class, I just want to say how fortunate and blessed I am to be given the gift of teaching. I will never, ever take it for granted. Sometimes life throws you long stretches of silence, unrest and way too much time-to-think. While at first the reprieve can seem like a vacation, ultimately you become trapped in your own jail that exists only in your mind. Your girl has broken free and is back in full force with new lessons and pearls of wisdom to share.

Tonight's 4:30pm class was a beautiful group of seven strong practitioners. I did not ask about injuries at the beginning of class, but have started to "read" the bodies to try and figure out what people are struggling with. I kept my pacing back and forth to a minimum by leaving markers for myself on either side of the room, that way I could deliver one set of each pose on either end of the studio so my energy is spread evenly throughout the room. I have grown accustomed to teaching from the back of the room, so today I tip toed to the front on occasion to familiarize myself with the different angle - fun!

I'm feeling more at home in the studio itself. After bonding with the hard wood floors and high-tech laundry machines, I made friends with the art gallery owners next door. While everyone rushed back to the city late this Sunday, my day was only beginning. My yoga light went back on and now it's blue skies all the way out from where I stand.

I received the best compliment a teacher could ever get after class. One of my students thanked me for "a few new tips." Yes, that's right, she said "tips" plural! Could it be that after all this time, after all my hard work and practice, everything is finally gelling? 

As Lienette reminded me earlier in the day, "everything is exactly the way it's suppose to be in each moment." I can't try and dish out every single pearl of wisdom I know in every class, but they will all  come out over time and hopefully keep the students coming back. 

The last major milestone of the day was I received my first paycheck as a teacher and all I can say is I've never been paid before to do something I love. Does it get any better than this? I think not...

Class 5

Picking up where I left off on Monday was no easy task, especially when I sandwiched a trip back home to NYC in between. I left the Hamptons for the first time since I arrived June 30th. I spent a total of 32 hours back in the city and used every single minute to take care of business and get things done. I got a quick glimpse of what my future job (starting in the fall) would entail, ran errands, took Ish's class and got a much needed night's rest. 

I spent my car rides to and from the city working on my dialogue. What did we do before iPhones? I have the entire dialogue on voice notes, so I can hear myself and practice along rather than mindlessly singing along with Nicki Minaj for the 100th time. I am still in the process of mastering the skeleton of all the poses, which is the mandatory component of each pose that you absolutely cannot afford to skip, especially when you have new people in your class like I did in the last two classes.

I also worked on general corrections and additional dialogue where I could. I've been learning the same 90-minutes of prose now for almost 4 full months and there are days when I can't look at or hear another word of it, but when you have the right people supporting you and driving you to be better, the motivation comes automatically.

Tonight I taught what I thought was my best class thus far. My nerves were beaten by my confidence in knowing the dialogue a little bit better than the last time. I had a very strong group of students today, which always helps, including a studio owner from DC, Rasa (a teacher from NYC), Lienette (my studio owner) and a ton of other regulars. And of course, I had one first-timer who inspired me with his ability to just be and not need me as much as I was expecting he would. 

One of the things I was told to work on for this class is not to spend too much time with any first-timer. It draws the energy and focus away from the rest of the class; not to mention I lose my pace and spot in the dialogue. Check! My newbie didn't really need me anyway. He was so strong, but sometimes when you least expect it the first-timers can hang and surpass expectations. It was total luck of the draw in this instance.

I regulated the heat "perfectly," tonight said Lienette, which is always half the battle. You need to consider the outside temperature just as much as the indoor temperature when working the heat in a hot yoga room. If more than three people are down on the floor, you've lost the class. These are just some of the details I did not learn in training. 

Bikram did say that the real yoga would begin after training and he was right! Beyond getting them to stretch their spines like a pearl necklace, There are so many other pearls of wisdom that I'm dying to share with my students, but I am not ready for that yet. One of the reasons I started this blog was so I could remember all "the gifts" Bikram gave us over the course of 9 weeks. You would think I would have already gone back to read every last juicy detail contained herein, but I haven't. I cannot overload my plate right now. Most days, I feel like the busiest unemployed person in town.

Double Monday

After practicing yoga on Sunday, I got the question that most seasoned teachers dread, but us newer teachers, who just got off the teacher training wagon salivate over - "Do you want to pick up another class tomorrow night?" 

Even though I was already teaching the morning class, and needed to head back to NYC, I agreed on the spot because I want the experience. Practice is practice, let's face it. Whether you're teaching or taking class, we are all on a journey. It is totally different every single time, yet the words are the same. This is why I love Bikram.

I also have a confession to make. This week was very hard for me emotionally. Two people I love very much are no longer a part of my life. The two are completely unrelated to one another, but none the less, I am deeply saddened by their absence in my world. So much has changed since my return from teacher training. I miss the simplicity of our yoga bubble more than words could ever express. At training, friends valued one another so much for support and we weren't allowed to have lovers, so there was never any concern over losing one. 

It's right about now that I hear Bikram whispering in my ear, "see, I told you guys you would miss me...." The only good part in having a heavy heart is that it can only get lighter. When you teach Bikram Yoga, it's never about you, it's about your students. So today I was forced to let go of my drama and focus on the bodies and beautiful people in front of me.

First, the 9:45am class. Let's be honest here people, if you are able to take this time slot in the Hamptons on a Monday morning, your life does not suck. You are already way ahead of the game; this is truly the life out here. No more running back and forth between the sweltering city, no more sitting in rush hour traffic. I set my own clock, I beat to my own drum and so do my students out here. There is something very different about the energy mid-week in the Hamptons. No one is in a hurry. Everyone has time for yoga, even if they have children because obviously they can afford 10 nannies to pick up the slack for 90 minutes. 

Surprisingly enough, there is very little ego out here. I was expecting the Upper East Side, Type A crowd and all I see in my students is love and gratitude. No judgement, on my part or there's. How did I ever get so lucky? At least that's how I felt as I floated out of my first class this morning. It was just the right amount of people, perfect weather inside the room and out, and I only had one other teacher in class. 

When Lienette, the owner, takes my class, tension automatically creeps up. My nerves surprise me. I trip on words and poses that usually give me no issue. Such is life. They say it means that I care about what I'm doing, and that is putting it mildly. 

I love talking to people about their injuries, especially when I've experienced something similar. Finally, a purpose for my anatomy knowledge that I gained in training. The before and after part of the class is really where the yoga takes place. Like-minded people interacting on a few benches underneath the stars or the blue sky. Whatever time of day, there is always big smiles, open minds and of course, freshly cut watermelon to hydrate us. Thank you Lienette for creating such a wonderful atmosphere.

Back to the class itself, I really can't say anything bad about my morning class from a dialogue perspective, but my timing was a bit off today for the first time. I ran about 10 minutes over because 45 minutes past the hour is an odd time to start class (but it works for peoples' schedules out here), so the minutes need a little extra counting going forward. I thought I was going too fast at one point, when really I was perfectly timed, so I slowed down to make it up. In the end, no one noticed and everyone thanked me.

There was even a "spy" in the 9:45 class from Bikram NYC who shall remain nameless, but I'm excited to see what the feedback will bring my way.  Lienette did not take my morning class, so I knew I'd see her later at the 6pm. She taught me how to check people in and work the register tonight. After 12 years of moving and shaking in corporate America, I can't tell you how great it feels to be brought back to the simplicity of a good job, one that might not pay for the Hamptons house itself, but feeds my soul and helps heal others in the process.

Something about having my new BOSS in the room and knowing that I'm being watched trips me up. My voice cracks, I forget the dialogue and grab for things I should not say. If you're not a teacher, you would have no idea that I was slightly off my game tonight, but I knew and of course, she knew too. But like any good yoga mentor, we talked it out after class and she gave me the most helpful feedback; most of which is common sense and I already learned at training. As in life, when you're nervous, things just don't come out the same. I'm actually trying to remember the critique as I type this and it's hard. I think I'm just emotionally exhausted. I gave everything I had in me today to my mother, her best friend, Cathy and the 20 students I taught.

I never thought I'd say this, but I really love my job and will continue to progress as I teach more. I will give you the feedback in Wednesday's blog before or after my 4:30pm class. 

Go in peace until then. Namaste 

Fourth of July Class #2

Today, we're all suppose to reflect on the country and its independence, and the millions of freedoms we take for granted every day as Americans. Today I relished in my own independence and the amazing feeling of freedom I have achieved by cutting ties to so many heavy weights in my past. Yoga is, in the end, my salvation. So I got right to it at 6am this morning when the alarm went off and I got dressed to teach my second class this week. 

The weather was a mess. Humidity was super high. Thunderstorms had just rolled in and out. It was the steamy calm after the storm, so to speak. And I had really been up since 4:20am, let's be honest. My trusty mate, Keren Hart (Kez, have you actually taken his name?) rallied on her day off to be in my second class. I was so incredibly touched by Keren's enthusiasm, patience and loyalty. And most importantly, her feedback after class on what she wanted to see differently in a Yoga class. 

For starters, never inject the word "please" into the dialogue, except where it belongs. Bikram is not a "polite" form of yoga. This is why we all love it though, because it rocks us to our core. Since I've got the authoritative, bitchy, gangster part down, taking out my "pleases" should be doable. Check.

Keren loves hearing all the medical benefits that yoga gives to the body. Hearing that while in the postures reminds us why we're killing ourselves to do it right, in the heat. So, as the opportunity presents itself for me to learn more additional dialogue (which I love reading btw.), I will inject it into my monologue.

Timing was picture perfect 90 minutes. I got the flow down. Love my old school Timex wristwatch that I bought in Kmart an hour before class. It's really helpful to have a digital watch that shows the seconds numerically. 

Humidity and temperature were East Coast ideal. I finally got re-acclimated to consistently heated classes that challenge me so much more on a cardiovascular level. And of course, Keren and I had boat loads of coffee, before (during if we could have), and after. I saw familiar faces from my NYC studio. It's been wonderful to reconnect and see people's reactions to my return from training. Some days, like today, that positivity from the students is all that keeps me sane.

See you Monday at 9:45am.

My First Class - July 1, 2012

Back by popular demand....I couldn't live without you....I'm here to report on my first formal teaching experience. After doing some "pop-up teaching" here and there in the city for the past two weeks (which went really well as far as getting my feet wet and my confidence up), today I let the ball roll and surpassed everyone's expectations, even my own. BTW, pop-up teaching means I would take a friend's class and they would let me jump up and teach a pose or two.

I practiced all day on anyone who was around, those would let me use their bodies. We sat by the pool in the Hamptons sun, at my fabulous new house (rental) and ran dialogue and postures until we were blue in the face. Then I channeled my energy to face the toughest challenge of all, driving on 27 during the holiday weekend to get to the studio on time. That and making a quick stop at Kmart for all the house essentials; not sure which was more stressful actually. Once I got my digital, sweat-proof watch, I was on my way.

How many more times can I rehearse spine twisting pose? How many more hours can I sit at the Golden Pear hoping that no one sees or hears me reciting dialogue by myself. I've resorted to calling it the "Golden Prayer" because I look like a Hasidic Jew davening in the corner.

Ok 3:59pm, time to journey across the street and get the party started! At this point, it was do or die. The owner came right at 4:00 and we went through every last detail on how the studio functions. What's amazing is all the stuff that goes on behind the scenes at yoga studios. All the blood, sweat and tears that you don't see, that is part of being a studio owner. Hats off to all you owners out there. I respect and commend you for opening your doors to us every day.

At 4:33, my class was full with eleven students and the owner, but I love the number 11 so we'll call it that. The humidity and temperature were ideal today and, best of all, no beginners. No offense to all my novices out there, but beginners take extra time and practice to deal with when teaching. So with the stars aligned I began my dialogue and with the exception of one really strange, tongue twisted verse of Pranayama deep breathing, I can't remember a time in class where I felt off, out of control, forgetful - all the things I feared did not happen. Quite the contrary, I received 11 thank you's and a couple students in particular thanked me for my corrections. Wow! Could their be a better compliment? Just don't tell Bikram I gave (verbal) corrections on my first day..

So here's the feedback from the owner....I need a stronger set-up for Spine Twisting (last pose) and I over-compensated for a studio-specific set-up that the owner had me make in the beginning of Standing Head to Knee. But aside from that, my timing was great. At one point, I thought I was going too fast, but in the end, I finished with exactly 2 minutes to spare for Savassana.  To be honest, I never practiced the entire class in one shot and I never practiced my timing. Perhaps it was the mock class I took earlier in the week (taught by a fellow yogi from training) that went 20 minutes over...nothing inspires timeliness more than being on the receiving end of running a class over.  Not fun, especially in the kind of humidity us east coasters practice in.

Next class - July 4th. 7:45am Hamptons Hot Yoga, Bridgehampton. I can't wait to have you in my class.

The Journey Home

Yesterday I returned to my former life in a different body, with a different mind and a different spirit. The major difference is that now all three things feel aligned, one piece, like a lamppost - unbroken! 

NYC is always so magical to return to after long periods of time. It always feels like home. It is always exciting. I studied the dialogue most of the plane ride home and was tremendously productive in Business Class (thank God!) In between snoozes and Star magazine, I refined the standing series without being too disruptive to the guy next to me.

As we neared the end of the flight, I decided to pull up the shade for a peek to see where we were. I happened to look out just as the plane was flying over NYC from the West Side/NJ. I was never so happy to see Her.

When I finally got to Toe Stand, I was hung up on the last line, just before Savasana. "Change. Come up exactly the opposite way you went down."

Exactly the opposite...isn't that my life now? It's so different from where I was, even just one year ago; so much better. The journey into LAX and the inner workings of Bikram Choudhry - the magician, the salesman, the madman, the genius, the comedian, the therapist, the Jewish American Prince and the list goes on - was very similar to the journey out. 

Leaving LA on Sunday morning, I had the same bittersweet emotions as when I left NY back in April. The feelings are all the same; its all relative. Some moments, I feel like I got sideswiped by Hurricane Bikram. I am exhausted emotionally but have tons of energy physically, which I guess is a good result. 

This morning marked my return to Bikram Yoga NYC. Solange taught the 8am - she killed us, as usual. She and I spoke at length about my Teacher Training experience. She totally cared about my development. I could not get out of the locker room with all the questions being thrown at me from anyone who knew I just returned from Training. It felt like home.

My goal is to continue blogging on all subjects yoga/health related to keep all you Yoga Girls informed. Stay tuned for NY Yoga Girl!

Week 9 Teachers

Monday pm: Bikram
Tuesday pm: Bikram
Wednesday am: Joseph (NY)
Wednesday pm: Juan
Thursday am: Emmy
Thursday pm: Jim
Friday am: Raj
Friday pm: Bikram

Twas the Night Before Graduation....

...And all through the house, lots of yogis were stirring, but thankfully not the mouse. 

Our bags were almost packed, less the one magical degree.

That piece of paper we came for, which equals our personal victory.

One last class with Boss tonight, of course in rare form. 

He gave us his all, which is always the norm.

High fives were abundant as we waited with pride,

To start our last class together, wow - what a fucking ride!

Our graduation outfits have all been selected with care.

We will primp, we will glam, but no GREEN anywhere!

I can't believe tomorrow is the day we say goodbye.

Graduation footage will be streamed live, there will be no dry eye.

That's right, I speak in Calcutta tongue now that I'm through,

So I can race home to New York and show you what I can do.

To save your life and build you a new spine,

Would be my biggest privilege, it will be so divine!

So see you in the Hamptons, July 1st is the date.

Hamptons Hot Yoga, please don't be late.

I will close the door on this chapter before the real magic starts.

My teaching career awaits me, I will leave behind only Jimmy's farts.

That's right, I said it, there was agony along the way,

But the journey was worth it, if only we could stay...

Just Breathe

I have managed to stay healthy for 9 weeks, while everyone around me has been sick at least once. I was proud of this statistic up until today. Tonight my throat failed me, my energy level was low. 

Since Bikram's type of breathing takes place through the throat, using the nose and mouth as only passageways, I was not able to fully engage in this evening's meditative breathing. I was there in body, but my mind and spirit have already returned home to New York. 

What I can tell you is this...our lungs are always hungry. Like an insatiable, wild animal, the lungs crave purified air. Bikram created a breathing system that fuels this fire. We take 6 seconds to inhale and 6 seconds to exhale in the warm-up of his series. Do you ever notice that a solid 10 minutes of thorough breathing at the beginning of class translates to an amazing practice? I can always tell how good my poses will be by how strong my breathing is. That's because it's all related..

Breathing is not just something we do to survive, it's something we do to calm down, to meditate and to produce energy in our bodies. Life force is another term used to describe the breath. It is everything and nothing all at the same time. Air leaves almost as fast as it comes into our bodies. How we choose to harness it is up to the individual.

The end of week 9 marks more and more down time and less and less dialogue study, which I hope to resume asap (i.e. on the plane ride home Sunday). I have a heavy heart and an anxious mind as I begin to pack up my hotel room which I practically turned into a studio apartment. Thank God Mom is bringing an extra suitcase and I have my trunk to pack the rest in.

I am so grateful to be seeing my mother tomorrow. She's flying cross-country to watch me graduate on Saturday, which will be a most-memorable moment for both of us. Hopefully my body will continue to fight whatever has crawled in me and taken up residence. In the mean time, I will have to breathe my way through, (which ever nostril is still functioning), for the next 48-hours.

There Are Places I Remember

The things I will miss the most about LA/Training:
- Doing yoga twice a day with 400+ like-minded people
- Bikram's "colorful" commentary in class
- The Counter
- Manhattan Beach weekends
- Getting my ass kicked by Emmy every Thursday
- Michon's DJ'ing skills
- Spending an hour by the pool daily
- Observing Balwan
- Group 11 comrades
- Visits with Motie
- Exploring new yoga studios in the area
- Belly laughs & good coffee with Rachael F
- Adventures with Ish

The things I will miss the least about LA/Training:
- TRAFFIC
- Lecture room chairs
- Lining up daily/nightly to grab said chairs
- Inconsistently cold yoga
- Annoying questions & negative people
- Posture clinic floors & injuries
- Water belly
- Bed Bug paranoia
- Listening to people complain about their roommates
- The 3rd Floor Ice Machine!
- Michon's wandering eye
- Sugar/caffeine pushers
- Carrying a 64oz water bottle everywhere I go